Spider Fighter Extraordinnaire

In keeping with my dead-end job, I wake up at around 5:45 on weekend mornings. It allows me to leave the apartment by 6:30 so that I can expertly enter data for the next 10 hours. This morning, I dutifully rolled out of bed, after screaming into my pillow about not wanting to go to work. My contacts have been bothering me lately, so I thought that I'd go with the glasses today, blindly stepping into the shower, unaware of the death trap that awaited me. I soon noticed that there was a quarter-sized black spot on the floor of the bathtub, and I toed it absentmindedly to encourage its movement toward the drain. Suddenly, eight massive legs emerged from the sides of the quarter and commenced to chase me around the bathtub. It was at about this moment that I yelled, hoping that Joe would hear my cries and come rescue me from my eight-legged attacker. I heard him shout back from the other room, answering calmly as my cries became more and more desperate. Here is a brief transcript of our exchange:

Me: Holy effing shit! There's a spider in the bathtub!
Joe: Meh.
Me: Oh Christ! It won't die...please come help me. It's for my safety and well-being. If a spider this big bites me, there simply won't be much left.
Joe: Put some water on it.
Me: I'M IN THE SHOWER!
Joe: So you should be fine.
Me: AAH! It won't die! It's chasing me now, and it's easily as big as my big toe. I'm not safe!
Joe: Meh.
Me: What's the damn point of living with a boy if I still have to fight spiders! Oh shit, it's recovering! What should I do?
Joe: Put some water on it.
Me: Damn you, Joe! This is the fight of my life! If I make it through this unscathed, there's a damn good chance I won't be the same Clare you've grown to know. This has aged me, Joe, and I'm damaged goods now.
Joe: So you should be fine.

Finally, in a moment of utter desperation and with adrenaline coursing through my veins, I triumphed over the beast and down the water spout he went. Of course, my shower was heartily destroyed, and my faith in men questioned. Also, I didn't need coffee this morning, thanks to the natural high I was experiencing from my fight or flight response. I would have flighted (flought?) but I was naked and needed to shower so that I could come work at my dead-end job entering data for 10 hours.