Blouse: free (found in laundry room of old apartment) * Skirt: thrifted and shortened * Cardigan: Forever 21 * Boots: Frye * Scarf: Forever 21 * Socks: Target
So here's the thing. It's been a tough year for me. The speed and routine of my life has changed drastically this year, and I've had a hard time adjusting to the new pace of things. I have less time to myself, and honestly feel like I just have less time, in general, for life. I've found it more and more exhausting to put time into hobbies, activities, a social life, etc., and have found myself only giving things 50%, if I can get to them at all. It's frustrating that this is all happening in a year when I'm consciously trying to simplify my life, since the result has been what feels like complication after complication. (I'm sorry to be such a complainy-pants, but when I sit down to write a post I usually just spew out whatever river of randomness is flowing through my brain at the moment, and this is where I'm at today.)
Part of what makes things a bit difficult is that there are so many unknowns, and so many things out of my control. There may or may not be changes in my life in the next few months, and I may or may not have a say in how those things pan out. I know that that's life, and that it's just how the world works. We don't often have control over the multitude of external forces that determine how our lives progress, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with when something unexpected comes up. Humans, I'm convinced, despite our utter awesomeness and capacity for love, compassion, humor, and intelligence, are also selfish control freaks. So when things get out of our hands, it can be hard to deal, and I'm as guilty as the next person of succumbing to the "it's not fair!" doldrums.
The problem with the "it's not fair!" doldrums is that you quickly realize that there is no one to blame. There is rarely someone responsible for what happens in life. And while that is infuriatingly frustrating, since all we really want is to be able to point a finger at someone and say "fix it!", it's also calmly liberating. Most of the time, there isn't an easy answer to life. There are a multitude of options and choices, and each one leads to something different and equally out of our control. It's been said before, and it's cheesy as hell, but it's what we choose to do with what we have that is important, not whether or not we can affect what happens to us externally. It is what it is, as they say, and it's the responsibility of each of us to find a way to live with "it" and to fold "it" into our lives in a productive, happy way.
I'm still working on that, and I still wish there was someone somewhere that I could blame my problems on (and let's be real, my problems aren't that bad). But I'm trying to start each day fresh, to evaluate where my life is at this moment, and to make decisions about where I want it to go today. And at the end of the day, if it has gotten there, then great. And if it hasn't, then the slate wipes clean again and I keep trying. We're flexible, us humans, and we can deal with an awful lot of changes. So this week I'm working on flexing my adaptability muscles, and learning to deal with the possibility of change.
and...
Happy Wednesday.
Title song: Stevie Ray Vaughn, "Change It"
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