Gray dress: Pink Rose, remixed * Cardigan: thrifted * Tights: L'eggs * Socks: Target * Boots: Rockport, recently remixed * Scarf: grandmother's heirloom, remixed * Belt: Forever 21, remixed * Turquoise earrings: gift from my sister, remixed * Necklace: gift from my college roomie, remixed * Ring: Forever 21, remixed
Inspired by: S. of Academichic
First and foremost, I must start this post by thanking the lovely S. at Academichic for giving me the idea to belt my dress like this! Her post the other day totally sparked my inspiration, and I immediately thought of possibilities to rock the belted scarf look myself. I absolutely adore this gray jersey dress, not least of all because it acts like a bit of a blank canvas. I feel like I can add just about anything to it, and it just rolls with the punches, looking fabulous all the time. So it seemed like the obvious choice to try the belted scarf. I'm also somewhat manically wearing and using all of my grandmother's heirlooms that I inherited earlier this year, so I knew I wanted to wear this scarf again. How do you all deal with that kind of thing? I've found that when a loved one passes away, I just desperately want to embody them at every chance. I've been using my grandmother's purse and wearing her snowboots daily since she passed, and even those tiny, simple, practical items are a daily reminder of her place in my life. It feels infinitely comforting, connecting, and secure to be in a constant state of remembrance. It doesn't exactly make the loss much easier to deal with, but perhaps it makes the loss less complete, because, in some small way, she is still with me each day.
Honestly, I've been a bit tentative to get into this kind of thing on Between Laundry Days. There are certain parts of my life that are deeply personal (of course, as there are in everyone's life), and I've hesitated to include them in my posts. But a piece of what I want to do with this blog is make it a bit more real, a bit more true to who I really am, and a part of that is talking about this kind of thing, I think. It's about writing my thoughts and feelings (ooooh, angsty!) in whatever order they decide to come out. And today I feel like writing about my grandmother. I think it was a bit too hard to write about her before, when it was fresh. And it's not easy to deal with it now, but it's at least something that I can think about. I'm reminded of her frequently, and not just because of the purse and the snowboots and the scarf, but because of her travel Yahtzee game we have lying around the apartment that makes me think of sitting on her back patio playing Yahtzee in the summers in Colorado. And because of the photo of her and my dad that I have in our living room, the photo that's always been my favorite because it communicates their relationship better than either of them ever could. And because I still have the necklace that I made for her birthday this year, and I just don't know what to do with it now, whether to tuck it away or wear it or remake it into something new.
I miss her deeply, and I appreciate everything that she was. I hesitate to even post this, because I feel like it shows a side of me that I haven't shown before to all of you. This post is, in a bizarre way, both the easiest and the most difficult one to write. It's taken very little time for me to type this, and the words have come easily, perhaps because I haven't written them anywhere yet. I used to write much more frequently about this kind of thing. Writing was my way of understanding the world, and its pains and joys and confusions. I think it still is, but I don't do it as much. So maybe one of the things that I can learn from this blog is that it is flexible, and it is open, and I can use it as that outlet, when I need to. And I guess today I needed to. I notice the scarf and the snowboots and the picture and the Yahtzee every day, but I think today they all stuck with me, in a way, and I couldn't shake it. So I apologize if this post is a bit on the personal side. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow with more thoughts about lunch or my recent obsession with mustard-colored everything, but today is for my grandmother.
I miss you, Oma.
Title song: Keb' Mo', "Grandma's Hands"
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