Dress: c/o Common Crow Vintage * Cardigan: UO * Scarf: thrifted * Boots: thrifted * Belt: thrifted
Ha! Look how wonky my scarf is in these pictures! I swear it was more put-together looking during the day. I think one of the ends got loose right as I was setting up my tripod, and I didn't notice it until I was done with pictures. So you get a little dose of imperfection today. It's real. It's raw. Bloggers are people, too!
On a less inane topic, I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to be when I grow up. It's a question that many a teenager and college student has pondered endlessly, and a question that I was completely sick of by the time I was about nineteen. I wish I could measure how many times I've been asked what I plan to do with my degree(s), my career, my life. Unfortunately, I can easily measure how many answers I was able to provide at the time: one. I don't know. However, in the past few years, people have stopped asking. It's been at least a year or two since anyone asked me what I want to do with my life (okay, well, one person asked, in December, but my ridiculously stupid answer will be kept for another post). I sincerely thought that I never wanted to be asked that question again, but now that it's gone, I've been thrown into a bit of a flurried panic.
Not being asked that question means, on some level, that I'm supposed to have already figured it out. From the outside, at least, I look like I know what I'm doing, like I'm on a reasonable path, like some part of my life is planned. What I know to be the truth, however, is that this is absolutely, unquestionably, not true. (Whew. This is starting to look like a real downer of a post. I'll try to turn it around!) There is a lot about my life that came about unexpectedly, with no plan or goal in mind, and those things are still very strange to me. There are distinct areas of my life that I feel vastly unfamiliar with, and those are areas that need a bit more pondering in order to be properly sorted out. This is normal, I know, and I'm in no way trying to say that a perfect life should be perfectly charted, but it's important, I think, to have awareness and cognizance of the various parts of your life, and that's what I feel needs work in my own.
So not hearing that question, and not being told I should be thinking about it, has made me desperate to think about it (roundabout, I know, but it's how I roll). I think it can be easy, sometimes, to assume that whatever path you're currently on is the only one available to you. It's easy to say that you've made your choice, plotted your course, and that there's no reason, or room, for change. But I think that there is. I think change is possible, and though it can be hard to switch gears mid-stream (pardon the mixed metaphor), it's possible. This is not to say that I know what gear I'd like to switch into. It's just to say that I want to think about it, ponder it a bit, and work out a few options for myself. So that's what I've been doing. And it's probably what I'll be doing for awhile. And I'll figure out what it is I want to do, and how I can get there. Because thought I may not be nineteen anymore, I still have plenty of growing up to do.
Title song: Beach Boys, "When I Grow Up (To Be a Man)"
No comments:
Post a Comment